I do not enjoy this time of year. There! I said it. I hate that this is how I feel, or don’t feel , every time Christmas rolls around. I am , however, not sure where it started, or why it persists. There are a few ideas that come to mind, but as to what holds the key- it remains to be seen. Sometimes I think maybe it is all tied into no sunshine, the SADD that plagues me each season.. It seems though, there is more to it. Maybe that the children are adults now, and just barely slide into home in the nick of time for dinner and gifts. Their lives, jobs, etc keeping them away, where once there was cookie and candy making, decorating, present wrapping… Now there is only Pa and I, with no hoopla about anything. I even stopped putting up a tree several years ago. And the past couple years, since we moved here to small town, ‘amoville’ Indiana, I have not put up anything outside either. Perhaps it is because most of my family has passed away, and my best friend and her family, that blended into our celebrations after that happened, soon became married, and began having her own festivities? Then add recently, the parents don’t want to make the trip down here in the winter time, and my brother is sharing the holiday with them, after 20 or so years away…. Maybe its just another case of, everything changes, given enough time…..? And of course, we can always blame the menopause!
There is no simple answer to the question of my Christmas blues. I am sure if I really want to, I could dig deep enough to put a reason to this bah-humbug state of mind that has taken me over. But then that would take energy, motivation, and a plan, none of which I am capable of bringing to the table. I am pushing the limits of the possible, just typing up some blog entry, that for the most part will go unnoticed. In fact this is turning out to be less like a blog entry, and more like a long status update. Well, I never claimed to be the writer in the family.
So, there you have it.. my Christmas post, my tidbit of seasonal spirit, my gift, or offering, if you will. Not all of us are so fa la la la, or ho ho ho this time of the year. Some of us are even worse off, without any home, or coat, or bed to sleep… some are without any person in their life, maybe aged, or infirmed somehow… Some of us… There, but the grace of… Tis the season.