I’ve Cried Violent Tears

I woke up with my old weary self this morning,

Pain and reality intersect. permanence.

Strength of body,

went with my forties….

Domino effect of a shipwreck,

Changed life in perfect time,

to welcome the change of life, to THIS life.

And for all this changing,

living going on…

It ain’t happening here.

Only sound ta hear in this place

  is bones,

    singing a crispy, stair descending tune…

The rhythmic accompaniment always the same.

When I snap, popped, and crackle my way down, down, and down,

stare down days.

 If a spark?

He, home…

Fire strike,

 blunt ablaze…

apathetic daze…

Tears wash wearily

Amalgamation of miseries

Commplete.

No escaping his escape.

Irony,

The all of it.

What is,

was opposite

If twisted, I’ve turned corners.

Green is green and…

I’m not liking this yard any better.

The lost, the found,

The fears, the peace

The wild seeking, home needing

What was fought against,

 saved the broken…

 born, the witness

To a life… cursed,

Unmovable the fate

another day…

 the sky so ugly, dry grey…

 damn the cold,

And all the same, same ole, same.

Pain is, pain is..

… is

HALTING.

Imagine that

For all the wishes I’d settle my ass down

Get straight…

It’s terrifying how mellow my world.

Sedentary.

Going fast as hell…

       …..

    Nowhere.

I put the pieces in their place.

Heritage grew roots,

got the degree,  

and tought …

Sin revisited, got honest,

and sense got to making.

Everything changes, 

and sometimes,

….. sometimes…

 life is heartbreaking.

I cried violent tears,

 ..back then.

Come the dawning,

grew in stillness,

 finding balanced,

this medicated brain.

A first moment.

  like a birth

I am alpha,

I feel roots so strong.

I see mirrors in eyes.

Entangled chains,

untangling…

illumination of mind,

but knowledge

filters through cracks…

reality of a body too aged..

And I know

this life,

these changes,

all – too – late!

The future bound,

and sealed

 Fate,

is heavy-handed.

I am sinking under the weight…

And I cry,

violent tears sometimes..

Life IS heartbreak.

eab

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