Dazed

Again… Phone and all accounts hacked! Can’t post to social media. Can’t go to line 3 as planned. Daily. the logs list foul play. Sometimes I wonder, is it all worth the stress, sleepless nights, acid stomach, and this general maliaze that is taking over my mind, body, and heart….? I am angry, and hurting. I feel violated, and enraged… I feel betrayed. I am rendered immobile, by a sorrow I’ve no words to explain. I guess love really isn’t enongh… Or I just don’t have enough love….. ?

For now… I am just done. And so it goes. I am drowning in growing debts, some persons have caused, no end in site. It’s effecting my parents health, in their eighties now, as well as mine. I can’t afford to fight corporations, goverment, and evil humans any longer. Out of my hands, out of money. And frankly, out of giving a damn; over half a century of activism, and half a year of attacks, has taken its toll.

UNCLE you damn, sad fools. I forgive, for me. My trust, and respect, you’ll not know again. That, you’ve more than earned by your muliple cyber rapings. What a sad, sorry state the world is in, to think this is doing some sort of good. Cruelty has never turned a thing for the better. It never will.

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The Lost

words

drizzling from lips

tongue spun tales

of this great self

accomplished knowledge

pouring forth

at the wrinkled face

silenced

and bent of time

the wisdom

burdened sage

knods understanding

the pause unquieted

nothing has been gained

the gifted nugget

not held

not to be found

in words still spilling always

lost

for want of grasping

 

-Elyse Bontrager

 

For LInda

I remember your visits

when I was young

from the land of make believe

west coast

I idolized you so

pre-teen, to your teens

my older cousin

Linda.

Friendship did not find us

until the mid, more settled time

in our lives

 

You finishing trucking school

moved in, down south

and I, married to a long hair

came twice yearly, for nascar

and reminiscing

and

christmas cards

late night talks

from somewhere, on winding road

i do miss that

I’ll miss that

i miss you

 

I knew you would drift from this world

pass away

without me around

i would never have been ready

you knew that

And in caring for you

i knew your pain

and long you suffered

and now your spirit is free

Linda, my family

my friend

through these tears

I’ll yet you go

until our spirits are togeher

someday

again…

 

cc Elyse Bontager

 

~ For my dear friend, and cousin, who passed away after a long illness, Monday, December 4, 2017 ~